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Monday, November 29, 2010

Top 5 Cars to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse!!! (results may vary)

Danny's "Top Gear post-apocalypse" blog got me thinking about other forms of apocalypse.  There's the nuclear kind which is nicely displayed in the videos.  The Mayans predict an "end of days" in 2012.  Danny Choy's fire hurricane is always just off the horizon.  Then there's the kind that seems just as far fetched yet more entertaining... THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!

In the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, we can assume the roadways will fall to pieces due to lack of upkeep.  The power grid will totally collapse.  Fuel will cease to be refined and only what's left at the stations will be available for a limited time.  In addition to all this hardship, packs of zombies are constantly roaming the countryside trying to eat you and your best friend.  Oh yeah, there's no internet either!

Before cyberspace crashes, we've gathered the top 5 cars to survive the Zombie Apocalypse...

Toyota Hilux
The Toyota Hilux is the most recognized pickup truck around the world.  You've seen them even if you think you haven't.  See all those video clips of terrorists on the news?  Yup, that's right!  They are shooting at the sky for no reason except to look cool on camera but that truck behind them IS a Toyota Hilux.

The Hilux has been around since the mid-60s all over the world!  The parts are plentiful.  Engine choices match up to just about any situation.  There are small 4-cylinder affairs, diesels, and a 300hp V6.  To beat the dead durability horse, Top Gear has taken the Hilux to the North Pole, an Icelandic volcano, turned one into an amphibious craft, and blown up a building underneath it.  This thing will last forever as long as there's fuel available.

Volkswagen Bus
The VW bus may be the most hippie vehicle ever!  However, it's completely suitable for a zombie apocalypse.  There are roof conversions to turn the van into a camper.  This would keep some sheet metal between you and a guerrilla zombie attack unlike a tent.  It has tons of space to haul supplies.  If you find one like that in the picture, it'll have enough power to haul ass courtesy of a turbo motor from a Porsche 993!  With just over 400 horsepower and a frontal area the size of the Autobahn, splattering zombies mid-escape is more fun than panic!

Land Rover Range Rover
The original Range Rover is very much like the Jeep Wrangler in the United States.  It was a simple off-roader that could be cleaned with a garden hose, interior and exterior.  It stayed like this from its inception in 1970 til 1995 when it was redesigned.  During that time, it was converted to serve as a fire truck for the RAF due to its simplicity and reliability.  If that's your thing, you could do a lot worse for a zombie survival vehicle.

I was, actually, thinking more along the lines of the Holland and Holland Edition Range Rover.  This version (seen above) comes fully loaded... literally.  In addition to the 503 horsepower V8, there are custom gun cabinets to store a few cranium busting shotguns as well as liquor cabinets to just get loaded.

Kamaz Paris-Dakar T4 supply truck
For the uninitiated, The Dakar Rally is a 9000 mile, 17 day race that takes place, in its current form, all over South America.  It traverses the driest desert (Atacama) along with some of the highest mountains (Andes).  If the weather and terrain aren't dangerous enough, there's also the imminent threat of terrorists in those Toyota Hiluxes.

To help the race cars and trucks when they're in a bind, T4 and T5 trucks are deployed with the race teams.  These trucks are not allowed to break down or else the team fails when the car needs aid.  They are unbelievably rugged with 730+ horsepower 17.2 liter diesel engines, 16 speed transmissions, leaf springs front and rear, a full roll cage, race seats and harnesses, and enough spare parts for itself as well as the race car.  This 20,000 lb behemoth still placed 13th overall.  This form of rally racing is called a "rally raid."  The T4 is definitely overkill to survive the living dead.

Shelby Cobra 427 Super Snake
OK!  So this isn't the most practical car for anything that may happen during a zombie apocalypse.  Then again, this particular car isn't for survival.  This car is our exit strategy...

It's an unwieldy roadster with chassis and suspension from the 60s.  The roof is made of cloth.  800 horsepower comes out of an incredibly thirsty dual supercharged V8.  BUT!!!  That 800 horsepower makes the car go zero to sixty in just over 3 seconds and certain death comes about 5 seconds later courtesy of a cliff or a brickwall.  YOU'LL NEVER GET ME, ZOMBIES!!!


  1. I am mad that the Hummer H1 is not on this list. We fought Sadam with that!

  2. You do know we failed to actually capture Sadam right?


  4. Isuzu Vehicross. Will outwit, outlast and outplay ANY apocalypse.