Why I Hate Corvettes

I would like to start off by saying that the Corvette is a fine car that represents a great performance bargain in the market but… I hate the damn car. It is nothing more than a status symbol for the mid-life crisis. It’s nothing special, it isn’t a famous racing brand, it’s not rare, it’s just another car.

It’s right there with your Mustang and Camaro. Somewhere in your late 30s, you start feeling a little short between the legs so you go out and buy the loudest colored, newest special edition car you could find so you could feel like a man again. If you are a billionaire, you go buy a Bugatti. If you are a millionaire, you go buy a Lamborghini. If you are Mike the middle manager, you go buy a Corvette. And, if you are Joe the plumber, you buy a Mustang or Camaro.

Now at one point in time, they were unique cars. Upon their introduction, they were like little else in the American market. The early C1 cars had some style to them; they were relatively small and came only as a convertible. Unfortunately it was also a failed car that survived with the help of the Thunderbird. GM couldn’t let Ford be the only game in town so to speak.

The C2 car was okay, but I don’t feel there is much that puts it any higher than the rest of the muscle car heap besides a higher price tag. On a separate note, can someone please explain why a split window Corvette is somehow more valuable than a V16 Cadillac? When the others went racing the Corvette stayed home. The “mighty” Corvette couldn’t possibly be beaten by such lowly competition like the Mustang or Javelin (to be fair the Javelin would have been in the C3 era) so why even show up?

This Corvette racing mystique has all of a sudden showed up out of nowhere like it’s always been a superior race car. It wasn’t until recently they showed up in an empty class and beat up on a bunch of little guys. When Aston Martin showed up they couldn’t keep up in speed. And now that they have showed up in what was GT2, they finished behind the M3, 997, and F430.

The main reason I hate Corvettes is similar to the same reason that some hate BMW; it’s that aura of superiority. Your Corvette isn’t special and it doesn’t make you special either. They are right there with the Mopar Survivor crowd, obsessively delusional. Your fiberglass C1 wasn’t straight from the factory so how do you expect it to be straight now, almost 60 years later? If I see Corvette club stickers my asshole radar just starts going off automatically. This is not to say all Corvette owners are jagoffs, I have just found it to be a higher percentage and it makes me hate that damn car just a little bit more. It’s an okay car, but sorry, it’s nothing special.